Online Dating

After kissing one too many toads from one of those dating sites that I'm sure you've heard of, I'd had enough!

The final straw was when I met a fairly attractive gentleman (I use the term "gentleman" very loosely) that I thought might finally be "the one"!  We had met for coffee a couple of times, then for drinks and dinner and then the big test... we went on a hike together!  I'm a big hiker and if I meet a guy that likes to hike I get really excited.

It had been almost two weeks and we had kissed and he had passed the kissing test (no bad breath or unnecessary slobber) but I still wasn't ready to take it to the next level.  He had been pushing for that and it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

Let me take a little time out to give you some advise.  You're a grown woman, right? And I assume you know what you want and don't want.  You've been listening to your inner voice for many years. You may not have listened to it in the past and maybe that got you into a bad situation.  You may or may not have learned from that experience, but eventually you learned to listen to your inner self. When you feel that icky feeling in your stomach, when something doesn't feel right, that's your inner self telling you that what you're doing is wrong for you! Maybe not bad, or wrong for someone else, but wrong for YOU! That's when you need to listen and stop doing whatever it is.  Your inner self knows what's good for you!

So getting back to the story, my inner self was telling me not to sleep with this guy yet. We went out for a glass of wine one night and he started talking about having sex and I told him I didn't think I knew him well enough yet.  He (we'll call him Bob, just for simplicity), Bob, got really upset and accused me of playing games with him.  I politely said, no, I'm not playing games.  I like you.  I just don't think I'm ready to have sex with you.  I didn't tell him I wasn't ever going to have sex with him. Lord, I wanted to meet someone that I could be with that way, I just wasn't sure if it was him.  He was being sort of pushy and I wanted it to be on my terms.

Advice to any men that might be reading this: Don't shoot yourself in the foot!  If a woman likes you and the kissing is good, just give her time to feel good about sleeping with you!  Be patient! Eventually, if you're meant to be together, you will both get what you want.  If you annoy her and act like a jerk, you will get NOTHING!  And if all you want is sex, just pay for it for god's sake!

Anyway, long story short, the guy started getting really nasty and accused me of being a tease, so I calmly paid for my glass of wine, stood up and walked out.  Wow!  That felt sooooo good! Especially when he immediately texted me and apologized profusely for being a jerk, then 10 minutes later, when I didn't text him back, insulted me again.  Whew!  I certainly dodged that bullet!

There is something you miss when meeting someone online and that is the mystery and thrill of flirting. Of being attracted to someone and finding out that they are attracted to you too!  Of talking and getting to know each other and letting the tension grow between you.  I'm not saying that never happens online, but usually by the time you go out with someone you met online the mystery part is gone.  You know you are meeting for the purpose of dating.  Maybe once in 20 or 30 matches you might find one where there is some chemistry.

I realized than and there that I like myself too much and I'd rather be alone than waste my time with some narcissistic jerk.  I decided if I was going to meet someone worthwhile it would be doing something I loved.

Anyway.  That was the turning point.  NO MORE DATING SITES FOR ME!

Dating at Sixty - 4 Steps to Meeting Men

Step 1 - Get off the Couch!

You're not going to meet anyone sitting at home watching Jane Austen movies and day dreaming about Mr. Darcy.  Find a passion, preferably one that is shared by men.  Yes, knitting is fun and you'll meet lots of great girl friends at the knitting club, but try to keep that down to once a week or less.  You'll need those girls around you for support when you finally do get out into the dating world.

Check out meetup.com.  There is something for everyone and every age there.  Just enter something you might be interested in, such as hiking, dancing or photography.  There are even meetups for older singles who just want to socialize. Find something you like and do it!  You have a better chance of meeting someone that you have things in common with when you are doing something you love!  Find your passion!

Tip: If you are too shy to show up at an event with a bunch of strangers, get a girlfriend to go with you the first time.  Chances are, everyone else at the event is feeling the same way you are.  You won't be among strangers for long!

Step 2 - Get fit!

You just spent the last 20 years raising your family and then your scumbag of a husband runs off with his young secretary. (It happens more often than you care to know!)  Yes, you let yourself go a little.  Who has time to work out when you have a job (probably) and a home to maintain and children to feed.  Well, the house is empty now, so no need to keep it quite so spotless and you have nothing but time.

Start easy.  Join a gym or a class but don't hurt yourself.  Take baby steps and you'll be surprised at how quickly the pounds drop off and you start gettting your shape back again!  If you're smart, you'll join a meetup that involves getting some exercise and meeting men!  There is nothing more satisfying than looking so good that your deadbeat ex wonders why he ever left you in the first place.

If you suffer from disabilities and can't exercise, ask your doctor what you can do to trim down.  Sometimes it's as easy as a change in diet.  I recently read the Belly Fat Cure and learned that wheat is inflammatory. So by cutting that out of my diet, not only did I loose my belly, but I also get the added benefit of managing my arthritis pain!

Step 3 - Be cautious of Dating Sites!
(But try it if you're the adventurous type!)

As one of my friends recently said, online dating is like being in high school again.  The guys you like don't like you and the guys who like you, well... you wouldn't look twice at them!  That being said, if you are prepared to kiss a lot of frogs (or drink a lot of coffee) you could get lucky.  I hear stories all the time about people that met online, fell in love and got married.  That is the ultimate goal for most of us, right? And it does happen sometimes.

A Few Words of Caution:

• Always meet in a public place.  Don't ever have a stranger pick you up at your home.
• Never go to his home unless you have been dating for a while and are ready to take it to the next level.
• If you are doing anything other than meeting in a public place, tell a friend where you are going and what time you will be home. Tell her you will call her at a set time and if you don't, she should call 911. Make sure she knows where you are!  Of course if you're just having a good time and forgot to call her, you may be in for an embarrassing visit from the police department!

What to Expect (and try to avoid):

• Sugar Daddy - This guy is in his late 50's, early sixties and will only date women 30-45 years old. Who is he kidding?  He'd better be filthy rich if he really believes a 30 year old woman would date someone twice her age!
• Don Juan - This guy is really good looking, but is only out to get laid.  He preys on women that are newly divorced and lack self confidence.  He take's you out and wines and dines you and showers you with praise and at the end of the night drops the "S" bomb.  When you politely tell him you prefer to wait until you know each other better, he says something like "Really?  I just bought you dinner and you're going to make me wait?"  My advice to you - run away very fast! My advice to him - hire a prostitute if you just want to get laid!
• Grandpa - This guy posts photos from 10 or more years ago and may even lie about his age to get a younger woman.  When you meet him for coffee, you will barely recognize him.  If you're desperate enough to stay for the coffee, he'll tell you that one of his friends set up his profile "as a joke" or "to help him out" and put the wrong birth date in and now it is impossible to change it.  If you're smart, you will just turn around and walk away and tell him later that you didn't see anyone that resembled the photos.
• Flirter - This guy emails you and makes some nice comments about your photos and asks you a few interested questions.  You get all excited that finally someone interesting and cute is interested in you, but then it goes nowhere.
• The Widower - Watch out for this guy.  His wife took care of him for the last 40 years so he never had to take care of himself. He's just looking for someone to take her place.  Someone to cook and clean for him and to take care of him.  If you are willing to be someone's maid in return for some pretty boring companionship this will be a match made in heaven!

Read more about online dating in your sixties.

Step 4 - Trust in the Universe!

When all else fails, pray!  God, the Universe, your Divine, your Guides, whatever you believe and want to call it... wants you to be happy!  But your Divine (that's who I call on) can't send you Mr. Right unless it knows that's what you really want.  You need to be specific.  You need to itemize all the traits and then just have a conversation (or pray) with your Divine.

Just say "Look here, Divine.  I've had coffee with 23 toads now and I know what I don't want.  What I do want is a life partner who is tall, good looking, active, fit, kind, spiritual, [you fill in the rest].  Now I know you love me and want me to be happy, so please send this guy to me now!  I really appreciate it and I thank you in advance for sending this fabulous guy my way."  Then you walk outside with a smile on your face and joy in your heart and BAM! There he is!  Just the way you ordered it!  (This really happened, but more on that later!)

Hope this post helps you to get out there and meet some men!

The New Face of Modeling - Over 60 and still Sexy!

Me in Hawaii at 62 - not a model!

I've been musing over how to kick off this blog, so I've been putting it off for weeks.  Should I start with a short bio of who I am and why this topic interests me?  Does anyone care about what I have to say about aging, dating, love and sex after 60 anyway?  I'm not an expert in any field related to women and aging.  I'm just a sixty-three year old Software Engineer, freshly divorced and not yet ready to live the rest of my days as a celibate. And so the blog waited...

Then today I saw an article on over 60 Super Models (since removed - but you can google it!) and it inspired me!  There is also a good article in Elle and a great video on YouTube about Jacky O'Shaunessey, a 62 year old model for American Apparel. I hope you enjoy reading about her as much as I did. She's truly beautiful and gutsy!

These women are redefining aging as we speak!  And the answer is YES! Women do care about these topics and even though I'm not a trained expert on women and aging, I am an expert on my own life and what it's like to be newly single and facing the dating scene. So I hope this blog will become a place where we can share our experiences, inspire each other and embrace this new age together!

If you have any comments, feel free to share.  What is your situation and how do you feel about women who can still be sexy and beautiful well into their 80's? Do they inspire you or intimidate you? Do you relate to them or do they make you feel like giving up?   Let me know!